We’re social animals, and even at our darkest we still need to reach out to someone. A confidant is that perfect person; they listen without judgment, they might be a source of strength and good advice, and they keep your secrets safe.
The word “confidant” refers to a person with whom one shares private matters, secrets, or personal thoughts, trusting that they will keep the information confidential. But who should that person be? Should it be a close friend? How do you know they’re trustworthy or even capable of listening? What should the confidant’s character be?
There are many forms of confidants, from sponsors to an authority figure to clergy to a trusted friend in recovery. Below are the top ten basic character qualities to look for when finding that perfect confidant.
The Best Confidant Character Ingredients to Look For
An Active Listener
An active listener doesn’t offer advice unless you ask them for it nor do they make the conversation about themselves or their issues.
Empathy
Someone who can feel what you’re feeling either because they’ve experienced your problems themselves or because they’re very tuned in.
Trusted
They need to be trustworthy and have the integrity to keep your conversations between the two of you.
Nonjudgmental
They shouldn’t assign blame when hearing your stories. Instead, they should be capable of understanding that we’re all human and that we all make mistakes.
Authentic
Someone who allows their own emotions and vulnerabilities to show through without any pretense.
Self-Aware
Being self-aware allows a person to better empathize with others.
Calm
They need to be your rock; they can’t be prone to emotional or dramatic outbursts, or they could make things worse.
Perceptive
Someone who can see the forest for the trees when you’re too emotional to be able to.
Patient
Someone who can listen for hours at a time or can offer their time without the need to constantly interject their opinion.
Optimistic
They need to have an uplifting outlook on life and give you the strength to keep going.
The Ring Theory and Confidant Character
Another consideration when looking for good confidant character is what the LA Times calls ‘Ring Theory.’ This involves the creation of ‘rings’ of your closest confidants around you and what they can offer you.
First, you begin with a small ring that’s made up of people directly affected by whatever the problem is (and, of course, if you’re the one with the issue, you go in this ring).
Next, draw a second ring around the first and in this place people close to you (spouse, bestie, etc).
Then continue drawing circles placing people in each according to decreasing intimacy levels. From there, you’re left with a visualization of who to talk to (and who to avoid) and then it’s down to one simple rule:
‘If someone is in an outside or bigger circle, complain to them. If they are in an inner or smaller circle, comfort them and listen.’
That’s comfort IN, dump OUT.
The Casa Capri Recovery website talks about ways to show your loved ones how thankful you are for them and this covers not just what makes good qualities for us but for a confidant.
How to Display Great Confidant Character
1- Apologize
Offering a sincere apology can demonstrate that you know you have caused them pain. Can your confidant apologize when necessary?
2- Emailing
Not great at speaking your emotions? Sit down and write an email to your loved ones expressing just how you feel about that. Ask yourself how does your confidant communicate best with you?
3- Showing Up
Spending time together will allow you both to restart your relationship and begin creating new positive memories. Ask yourself if your confidant is good with face to face meetings.
4- Lending a Hand
Helping family or friends around the house or with any task they may need assistance with is a great way to thank them. Would your confidant help you or others like that too?
But having a confidant to talk to over the phone is one thing having them engage with you in an activity can bring benefits to both parties. Your confidant could be a work-out buddy or a chess opponent or a writing partner.
Find some mutual ground that allows you to both talk while doing an activity, that way when you get together, it’s not just one-sided.
At Casa Capri, we’ve designed our rehab with women in mind. Our mental health professionals know women’s issues and challenges. We are here to help you face them head-on. Whatever they are, we will be there with you every step of the way. For more info, call Casa Capri today: 844-593-8020
FAQs: Why It's Important to Have a Confidante in Recovery
1. What is the meaning of the word "confidant"?
The word “confidant” (or “confidante” for a female confidant) refers to a trusted friend or person with whom you can share private matters, secrets, or personal struggles. In recovery, having a confidant provides emotional support and helps you process challenges without fear of judgment.
2. Why is having a confidant important in recovery?
A confidant, whether a trusted friend or a professional, offers a safe space to discuss private matters and emotions. Sharing your thoughts with a confidant can reduce feelings of isolation, help you gain perspective, and strengthen your recovery journey.
3. Can a confidant be a family member or friend?
Yes, a confidant can be anyone you trust deeply, such as a close family member, friend, or recovery sponsor. The key is that they are trustworthy and capable of respecting your boundaries and privacy.
4. What role does trust play in choosing a confidant?
Trust is essential when selecting a confidant. A trusted confidant must be someone who values confidentiality and supports your recovery process without judgment or criticism.
5. How does having a confidant help with emotional challenges?
Confidants allow you to express your emotions freely, providing relief from internal struggles. By discussing your fears, hopes, and challenges, you can better understand your feelings and work through them in a healthy way.
6. What’s the difference between "confidant" and "confident"?
Though the words look similar, they have different meanings. The noun “confidant” refers to a person you trust with private matters, while “confident” is an adjective that describes feeling self-assured.
7. Are the terms "confidant" and "confidante" interchangeable?
Yes, but with a slight distinction. The term “confidant” can refer to any person regardless of gender, while “confidante” is specifically used for a female confidant. Both terms come from the French and Italian roots “confident” and “confidente.”
8. How can having a confidant prevent relapse in recovery?
Confidants provide accountability and emotional support, helping you navigate triggers and challenges in your recovery. By sharing your struggles with a trusted confidant, you’re less likely to feel overwhelmed or tempted to relapse.
9. Why are confidants considered one of the closest relationships in recovery?
Confidants are among your closest relationships because they are privy to your innermost thoughts and secrets. This deep trust fosters a unique bond that can greatly enhance your recovery process.
10. Can a professional, like a therapist, be a confidant?
Absolutely. Many people in recovery consider their therapist, counselor, or sponsor to be a confidant. These professionals provide a safe, judgment-free space to discuss private matters while offering expert guidance on recovery.
11. Does the word confidante come from the French confident?
Yes, the word “confidante” does come from the French word “confident.” Both words share the same root and derive from the Latin word “confīdere,” which means “to trust.”
