Things had reached the point where I couldn’t hold a conversation without getting shaky inside. I could no longer envision a future without alcohol in the picture. I imagined my wedding day; my handsome, charming, groom before me, all my friends and relatives watching. Then came the dreaded moment! ow would he ever get the ring on my finger without my hand shaking? Everyone would see. Everyone would know I had a problem. But it went deeper than keeping outward appearances. I wondered, for example, How I would ever be able to get through nine months of pregnancy without drinking. I stayed up many nights, driven to despair by these thoughts. I realized that I had to either take charge of my life or face a continuing downward spiral where the only outcome was death.
After months of soul searching, I decided to create my own recovery plan. Somehow I knew that the answers I was seeking were inside of me. After all, I could remember a time when things had been different: Even though I now felt lost, I could still hear a small, persistent voice inside that insisted on healing. I began writing down the basic core values and principles that I had abandoned while intoxicated.
The plan was simple yet comprehensive. It was based on cultivating a healthy mind, body, and spirit, and as I began to follow it each day, I sensed I was recovering on all levels. I found myself living on a new plane of consciousness. It felt miraculous and exciting, and I wanted nothing more than to share my discoveries with others!
